


Drenched In My Pain Again, Becoming Who We Are

by iwritetrash



Series: Stormpilot One Shots [11]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Finn is left behind, Finnpoe - Freeform, M/M, No Character Death, Poe goes on a mission, Stormpilot, angst turned fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-05-23 13:44:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6118255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwritetrash/pseuds/iwritetrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poe has to go away on a really long, really dangerous mission.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drenched In My Pain Again, Becoming Who We Are

**Author's Note:**

> A/N - Basically just angst turned fluff. It was going to be pure angst but I couldn't bare to kill Poe again.

Poe’s been on missions before, he’s been on hundreds since they started dating, but they’ve never been like this. Poe was going on a mission that would take him straight to the heart of the first order. It was the riskiest mission the resistance had ever attempted, and of course General Organa wouldn’t trust anybody but her best pilot. He would be flying in a stripped x-wing, devoid of any link to the resistance. Should he be caught, all efforts must be taken to assure that he looked like a stand-alone rogue.

Finn’s always been worried about Poe, it’s like he only feels calm when Poe is on base, uninjured and safe, and these days that’s rare. Good pilots are thin on the ground, so Poe is busy almost constantly, and gets injured on pretty much every mission. When Poe is away, Finn spends most of his days and nights either thinking about him, or trying his hardest to put Poe’s safety to the back of his mind and focus on something else, like his training as an enlisted infantry member, or the game of cards he’s playing with his friends, but even after 5 years on the base, 5 years since he escaped the first order, 5 years of the war continuing, intensifying, and it still hasn’t gotten any easier.

So when Poe breaks the news, that he’ll be going alone, that he’ll be gone for months, possibly years if something goes wrong, that he’ll have no way of contacting the base for the duration of his mission, that he’s leaving in the morning, Finn breaks down. And of course, Poe is there to catch him as he falls, to hold him in his arms, to kiss away his tears, to rub his thumb soothingly along their interlocked hands, to tell him it’ll be okay, to promise that he’ll come back.

Finn sobs gently for what seems like hours, Poe’s strong arms holding him where he’s curled up on the floor, his body leaning easily into Poe’s as they fitted together like two pieces of a jigsaw. Finn’s head was buried into Poe’s shoulder, their hands locked together, their bodies pressed together as close as possible, their arms and legs tangled together. Poe’s face rested level with the top of Finn’s head as he pressed gentle kisses onto the top of his head, whispering soothingly, tears of his own falling down his cheeks.

“I don’t want to lose you.” Finn whispered quietly, brokenly, into Poe’s shoulder. “I’m scared that I might, this time.”

“You won’t. I’ve been yours for the past five years and nothing’s going to change that. You’re my other half, my soulmate.” Poe whispered, pressing another soft kiss onto his head. “Please stop crying, Finn. It kills me to see you like this. Seeing you like this makes me wish I didn’t have to go.” Poe’s heart ached, his voice breaking as he spoke.

“Then don’t go.” Finn replied, lifting his head so their eyes met and Poe’s heart shattered into tiny fragments on the floor.

“Finn, you know I have to.” Poe replies, his voice strained with the effort it took not to give in.

“Yeah, I know, I guess I just hoped that maybe...” Finn trailed off, his gaze dropping to the floor.

“Yeah, me too.” Poe replied, swallowing thickly. “I’ll come back as soon as I can, okay? I promise.” Poe whispered hoarsely and Finn looked up.

“Just be safe, okay?” Finn asked and Poe’s breaking heart ached.

“I’ll try.” Poe replied and Finn nodded, knowing that was as much as he could offer, given the circumstances. Finn leaned forward to rest his head against Poe’s shoulder again, pressing his eyes shut to press back more tears. “I love you.” Poe whispered.

“I know.” Finn replied quietly, his breath catching in his throat as he spoke.

Finn couldn’t bear to go to the runway the next morning, knowing he would have a very public, very dramatic breakdown if he had to watch Poe leave. Instead, they said their goodbyes before Poe left the room, a farewell filled with tears and no promise that they would ever meet again, because Poe knew he couldn’t promise it. Finn’s absence on the runway also made leaving easier for Poe. It was easier to leave when you couldn’t see the face you would miss the most as you flew away.

Poe was away for 11 months, three weeks, 4 days and about 2 hours, and in the time he was away, thoughts of Finn plagued his mind almost constantly. What was he doing right that moment? Was he happy? Did Finn miss him as much as Poe missed him right now? Was he thinking about him? On some nights when he couldn’t sleep, he would look up at the stars outside wherever he was, whether he was in his x-wing or on a planet somewhere, and imagine the stars that could be seen from D’Qar, and he would try to spot similar patterns, and wonder if Finn could see them too, if he was searching for the constellations Poe had taught him to spot.

Finn’s time was spent in much the same way, with attempts at productivity during the day that dwindled the longer Poe was away, until he hardly managed to pull himself out of his room, locked up in thoughts of Poe. Was he safe? Where was he? What was he doing? Had he been thinking about him? Finn’s nights were spent in earnest contemplation and restless tossing and turning, even resulting in him curling up with an item of Poe’s clothing in an attempt to feel his presence with him, even in his absence. He could feel concern radiating off everyone around him as the months progressed and he became more reclusive, the dark bruises under his eyes becoming more and more prominent with lack of sleep, his cheeks hollowing from skipping meals and working out obsessively as though it could take the pain away.

Finally, Finn received news of Poe’s return two weeks in advance of his landing back on D’Qar. The minute he heard the news, his entire existence became focused on counting down those next 14 days, each and every second spent hoping and praying that he would be safe, that he would be well. The change in his temperament was visible almost immediately. He started eating again, his smile became brighter, less forced, he left his room more frequently, and despite his intense focus on getting through the next two weeks, he seemed better somehow, as if the mere news of Poe’s imminent arrival was enough to stifle his worrying.

The next two weeks seemed to last longer than the 11 months that came before, as Finn counted down the hours, the minutes, the seconds, the heartbeats until Poe came home. The morning of the day he was predicted to arrive, Finn was stood on the landing strip at the crack of dawn, his eyes on the sky and his entire body thrumming with excitement. When his eyes finally landed on the x-wing shooting into the atmosphere, his heart sipped a beat, but it flat out stopped when he saw Poe emerge from his landed aircraft. He broke into a wild sprint, screaming his name, not unlike their first reunion after their escape from the first order in a stolen TIE fighter that crashed on Jakku, and pulling him into a forceful hug as their bodies collided with what felt like enough power to send a shockwave through the base.

“I missed you” Finn breathed into his shoulder, inhaling his familiar smell. Poe’s arms tightened around his torso, his eyes closing as he puled Finn as close to him as possible.

“I missed you too.” He smiled, content in his lover’s arms. He pulled back gently, only to capture Finn’s lips with his own, pulling him into a deep kiss in the middle of the landing strip, ignoring the excited crowd gathering to welcome him home, the two of them seeming to have tunnel vision that focused only on eachother. Everybody else seemed to fade out of existence as they locked their lips together, acquainting themselves with the small differences in eachother’s bodies. Poe had gotten slimmer, and the scratch of an unshaved beard tickled Finn’s chin, and his longer hair tangled deliciously into Finn’s fingers as they threaded through it.

“You’re home.” Finn whispered, pulling away and resting their foreheads together.

“I don’t ever want to leave again.” Poe sighed, his eyes locked on Finn’s. “Not without you. I don’t ever want to go where you can’t follow me again.”

“You know that we can’t do that,” Finn sighed sadly. “Not until this war is over.”

“Then give me a gun and I’ll take down the whole first order just so I could stay with you forever.” Poe smiled and Finn laughed, their forehead knocking together with their combined laughter.

“I love you.” Finn grinned and Poe smiled back warmly.

“I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day.


End file.
